The following stories contains descriptions of sexual assault, suicide, and other topics of similar nature.

“I was about 10 or 11 when I went to the doctor for a breathing problem. It was like I could never fully catch my breath: I would take a deep breath and then would have to take another one in the same inhale. My parents thought that it could be asthma or something worse, so they wanted to make sure everything was okay. I went to get checked out and they treated me with a nebulizer for a month. When I went back for my checkup the doctor told us that there wasn’t anything physiologically wrong: sometimes kids just have nervous ‘ticks’. Anxiety and depression run in my family, and looking back on my behaviors as a child and young teenager it’s surprising to me that no one realized that there was something ‘wrong’ sooner.”

“My anxiety makes me feel like time is constantly against me. It’s difficult to stay in the moment because I’m always thinking seven steps ahead. I over think and over-analyze everything, whether it’s the classes that I’m taking or the errands I’m going to run that day. The littlest mistakes and missteps will stay on my mind for hours on end. I strive for perfection and feel like I fail when I don’t meet my own standards or the ones that others have set for me.”

“Your heart rate speeds up and you can’t breathe. I would have them at work when everything was in a frenzy: you would either move fast or get pushed aside. I felt like I was too slow and that by not maintaining a happy face and a good work ethic that I could be fired and replaced in an instant. I would get them in my car when I checked my grades: I had to maintain a high GPA to maintain HOPE. My dad was helping me pay for school when he could have easily left me to maintain my own student debts so I couldn’t let him down. Thinking too much and thinking too far ahead was my downfall but was also something that I couldn’t avoid. Every possible worst case scenario was always on repeat in the back of my mind.”

“I manifested my anxiety physically. I got worked up so easily and so fast, but scratching would always calm me down. It was easy to hide: the scars would fade fairly fast and sometimes they weren’t even there at all. On the occasions that I did go ‘too far’, they could be brushed off with a brief explanation: a bug bite, because we live in the South and gnats are always common. I bumped into the counter at work because I worked in fast food and you don’t realize what happened until the lunch rush is over. No questions meant that I wouldn’t have to deal with anyone else’s concerns on top of my own.”

“I had mentioned to my mom about seeing a therapist a few months before I made my actual appointment. I had his number, but every time it came down to me calling him to make the appointment I would find a reason to back out. It got to a point where I felt like I had no choice but to speak to someone. Between trying to maintain my grades, stay on top of my job, and balancing my personal life, I was pushed near to my breaking point: I was stressed beyond a healthy point and my anxiety was at an all time high. My panic attacks had gotten more frequent and my mental state and gotten to a dangerous point.”

“I had just left my accounting class. It was on the base, and it was around 8:00 at night. I took a wrong turn leaving and ended up having to take the long way home. I was driving by myself and all I could do was cry. I was taking a full course load on top of my part time job, but this one class of pushing me over the edge. It just would not click. At that point I was failing it when I literally could not afford to. The pressure of school wasn’t the only thing that I had to deal with: my friend group had dropped down to three people-one was away at school, the other two I saw maybe once a month and only communicated to through text-and I loathed my job. I was moving forward in life but I had no idea where I was going to end up, and that terrified me.”

“I was sitting in my car at the stop light and I could see that the bar was about to go down. From half a mile away I could already see the train lights flashing. I could hear the train coming, and in that moment I saw a solution. I was just a few feet away from the tracks, and I still had time. Just a few steps forward and it would be over. I’d had friends who had been affected by suicide, and I’d seen all the ads and PSAs about how suicide doesn’t only affect you, but I was in such a dark spot in that moment that I didn’t care.”

“I don’t know what it was that kept me planted in my seat, but I stayed there as the train passed by. It sped by and my heart sunk at the realization of what could have happened. I was so numb that I couldn’t even cry. The drive home felt longer than ever, and when I got back later-safely and unscathed-my parents didn’t suspect that anything was wrong. I ended up dropping my accounting class (I retook it that following summer semester and passed it), but it took me months to be able to drive by that same spot on the tracks.”

“My mom gave me the number to make the appointment with the therapist at my own convenience, but each time I’d make the mistake of thinking that I was ‘okay’: I would have my breakdown and convince myself that that was it and that I had to make the call. Then, I would calm myself down and it would pass: I didn’t need to speak to anyone, because I was fine and I could handle it. I was closed off for so many years that everything just continued to build and build up. By avoiding things I felt like they would just go away: you wouldn’t have to deal with a problem if it didn’t exist.”

“I’d finally decided to make the call to Kevin one afternoon without even meaning to. I’d come home to a houseful of screaming kids all under the age of 13 after another long day at work. Without even thinking I was on my front porch with my phone in my hand. Within five minutes I’d made an appointment.”

“My dad drove me to my first appointment, and he waited outside in the lobby for me while I had my session. I felt nauseous the whole ride up that I’m surprised that I didn’t vomit right there in the office, but it didn’t take much convincing to get me to open up. I had years of anxiety, nervousness, and guilt built up under the surface that all came down to a tipping point because of what had occurred over the course of a few months. By the end of my first visit I was so relieved that I jumped at the occasion to schedule my next session.”

“One of the biggest mistakes someone in recovery can make is assuming that things are okay when they aren’t. This was my case after a month and a half worth of sessions. I had convinced myself that I could handle what life had to throw at me. In my mind, I was pretty much cured: I did my mindfulness exercises that my therapist, Kevin, suggested to me-my dad used his Barnes and Nobles gift card to buy the book for me within an hour after leaving my first session-and I was working towards bettering myself. I was ‘okay’. Fast forward a few months later, and reality came back and hit me hard.”

“It’s a work in process. Any mental illness-whether it’s depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, or PTSD-won’t go away overnight. It doesn’t go away at all. It’s something that’s there all the time. Even if it’s 0.0001%, it’s still there, and you have to work at it all the time.”

“He’s probably my biggest support system. Aside from my therapist, Hunter was the first person I told about my scratching. I remember I had a really bad day at work, and it had been a month since I had done it. I was so upset and so disappointed in myself for relapsing, but he didn’t judge me. He was the first person I called because I knew that he would understand. Sometimes I feel like he’s the only person I can talk to. He left for college and goes to school three hours away but he’s literally just a phone call away. I remember one night I had a really bad relapse and I had to go stay the night with my sister across town. It was around 11:00, maybe closer to midnight, when I called him. The reception was spotty and it was late, but he stayed on the phone with me. Talking to him was one of the only things at that time that kept me from driving off the road.”

“I’m a bit of a pessimist. Combine that with my anxiety and the fact that our relationship was going so well for so long, it was normal for me to expect that something had to go wrong. We’re the exact opposite: I’m type-A to a T and he’s all the way at the other end of the spectrum. It was something that really bugged me about him in the beginning of our relationship, but it’s actually been really good for me. He’s made me realize that the world won’t end if we’re ten minutes behind schedule on the way to dinner, and that staying an hour out later than we normally would isn’t going to stop the sun from rising the next day. Personality wise we’re polar opposites, but I think that’s what makes us good for each other.”

“I can be open and honest with anyone-my therapist, Hunter, even complete strangers if they need someone to talk to-but it’s harder with him and it shouldn’t be. I worry that by telling him how I’m feeling when I get anxious that it’ll make him leave. Being vulnerable isn’t something that I’m very good with. I know he loves me, but worrying is my second nature so it’s normal for me to assume that by being open with him about my past that it’s going to undo our entire relationship. I have to remind myself that can’t think like that: it’s not fair for me to expect him to be 110% honest with me if I won’t do the same back, and that’s something that I’ve learned to apply to a lot of my relationships.”

“I believe that a good support system is a big factor in a person’s recovery. I have the support of my friends and family, and that’s not something that a lot of people do. The people you surround yourself with will have an immense effect on the success of your recovery, but they can’t be the only thing that keeps you going: if I’m only trying to move forward for the sake of my support system, what happens if they’re not there anymore? What’s left to keep me from relapsing? You need to surround yourself with people who will help set you up for success, but your success shouldn’t be for them. It needs to be for yourself first and foremost.”

“If you don’t have someone to go to-a friend, your parent, your pastor or therapist-you’re already setting yourself up for failure. You need to keep the lines of communication open with those around you. I wouldn’t have made it this far in my recovery if not for my support system, but with that being said they aren’t the reason that I keep going. They play a big part in why I keep going, but my recovery is for me. If I took them out of the equation, what would I have left? You can’t let your happiness be dictated by those around you.”

“I have to take my day 15 minutes at a time. Some days are easier than others, and I can take it two hours at a time. Some days are worse and I feel like I can’t even make it from the parking lot at school back to my driveway. It’s a learning process, and I can honestly say that I’m in a much better spot now than I was six months ago, or even a year ago. I can’t let my anxiety define me. One thing that Kevin taught me was to ‘accept’, not ‘reject’: instead of letting it sit in the back of my mind I have to bring it to the forefront.”

“I like to think that each generation is a little less screwed up than the one before it. My parents would probably tell you that they’re in a better spot than their parents were, and my grandparents would probably say the same. One thing that I’ve noticed a lot recently is the willingness to help. I was able to reach out to Brittney and Macee because they’ve been vocal about their struggles. Kenan and I were able to relate to one another because we were in the same boat when we worked together. Autumn, at only 16, was more open about her anxiety than most people I know in their twenties. With my generation, there’s more hope.”

“To anyone who feels like they’re in too deep, believe me when I say that you are not as crazy as you feel or as alone as you think. You may feel like there’s always someone who has it worse than you, but that does not mean that your struggles don’t matter. What you feel is valid.”

In 2015 suicide was the third highest cause of death among Americans between the ages of 10-14, and the second highest for ages 15-34. In the past few years mental health has come to the forefront of our culture: from celebrities coming forward about postpartum depression and struggles with anxiety to TV shows like “13 Reasons Why” stirring up controversy across the country, there’s no denying that mental illness can no longer remain the elephant in the room.

And that’s a good thing.

My goal in writing was not to write a feel good happy ending story: it was to make you uncomfortable.

I hope that you get uncomfortable when you read that Macee was on the verge of suicide at the age of 16 or that Autumn could't even walk into her school without having a panic attack, because your daughter is about to start her first year of high school and she could easily be put in the same position.

I hope that your stomach churns when you read about Kenan being away from his family in Georgia because your nephew was recently deployed and it will be months before you will be able to see him face to face again.

I hope that you get angry when you read over the story that Brittney shared about the abuse at the hands of her mother, because you could never imagine anyone hurting your child the way she was hurt.

When I sought out the help of these four individuals-Macee, Kenan, Brittney, and Autumn-I knew that I wouldn't be telling a feel good story. Talking about self injury is not pretty. Reliving childhood trauma caused by a close relative is anything but easy. Writing my story down was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, but I don't regret it. It forced me out of my comfort zone, which is what I hope that Anonymous GA does for you.

There’s conversation in controversy, and I think it’s time that we start talking.